Lassiter Parking: For Dummies

By Katelyn Vetro

As we all know, the Lassiter High School parking lot is so convenient and loved by the student body! In order to prevent unbearable traffic, we have to deal with it every day, this is what we HAVE to do. 

1. Drive as fast as possible. We’re all trying to get out quickly, right. Race to the exit. Traffic is not real; why don’t the cars just drive? This technique is so overlooked by drivers in general! It’s so simple, yet efficient. 

2. There is no need to check your mirrors or blind spot when backing out of a spot. It’s just an unnecessary waste of time if you ask me. How much damage could a crash in a parking lot cause? Definitely very minimal and it sounds fun! I would love a twisted game of bumper cars in the back lot of Lassiter, especially going home with polka-dot looking dents all over my car; I love the decor. 

3. Cut everyone off all the time, no matter what the circumstances are. How dare they get in your way when you’re trying to get somewhere? That’s very disrespectful and selfish behavior on their part. This leads us back to rule number 1, just drive! Better yet, scream with all your windows down at the other drivers! What a great way to get to know your peers by participating daily activities in places everyone swoons over! I bet this would eliminate all of Lassiter’s social issues as well. Killing two birds with one stone, if I do say so myself. 

4. Whatever you do getting to school in the morning, do not park in between those irrelevant white lines. If we all boycott and disperse our cars in the lot, then we would clear out so much faster! There is no need for me to even explain this it just makes perfect sense. 

Starting next Monday, we must put these rules into effect, and I promise you every single issue that has even taken place within the walls and lots of Lassiter High School will immediately be resolved. Please trust me on this; I know what I’m talking about. I definitely did not fail my permit test. (If anyone tells you I did, they’re lying. Don’t be so naïve, I’m begging you.)