Seniors’ farewell advice

Shail Patel

Dear freshmen,

Congratulations on completing middle school! Now that you are in high school, it might seem scary. But don’t worry, the graduating seniors have left some advice for you guys, so that you can start strong and have the best high school experience!

Here we go:

“To really gain the upperclassmen’s respect, just act like one. Wear black on pep rally days and the first day of school so you’ll totally blend in.”

“It is an excellent idea to never sit in the same seat in your class. It really keeps the class dynamic interesting.”

“On the first day of school when the teacher calls your name, get them to mispronounce your name. You will immediately become a comedic genius within your class.”

“Block the path of upperclassmen trying to go to class with the classic prank of ‘Your shoes untied.’ They will soon learn to respect your sense of humor.”

“On the bus, it is always a great idea to play your music out loud. Be more outgoing!”

“If you are a student-athlete, you must assert your role on your team with nothing other than trash-talk. By doing this, you gain the respect of coaches and the varsity stars, as you are totally not passive.”

“In the lunch room, one thing you must certainly do is sit in the tables near the windows with the juniors. Then, whip out your laptop and play Minecraft. You can easily make friends with the juniors, as they would want to play with you.”

“Never walk in the hallways like a simpleton. Always pretend that your path to your next class is a track meet and just BOLT!”

“At the football games when the marching band shows up, grab your vuvuzela horn, make your way to the front, and perform alongside the band. Performing alongside the band is a great way to be involved and show school spirit.”

“Always remind the teacher that there was homework, not only will the teacher respect your integrity, but the students will respect you as a supreme entity of hard work and intelligence.”

And finally

“To flex on the lesser athletic beings, whenever you are near a doorway, it is in your best interest to jump and slam the doorway and yell. This asserts your dominance and your size.”